The proverbial three-headed Monster

Monster Mania in Cherry Hill, New Jersey is a great place to meet actors. It's organized, well-spaced and the volunteers don't look like they'd like to disembowel you with some kind of B-movie three-pronged sword. They'll ask politely to smooth out a line. Fellow attendees going in all directions at once say "excuse me" when they accidentally bump you. In short, the antithesis of New York Comic Con and Chiller Theatre in that respect. And they get cool guests too.

I was most excited to meet Robert Patrick. Most everyone knows him as T-1000 from the "Terminator" saga, but he's John Doggett of "The X-Files" to me. The much-beleaguered character who fans didn't give a chance because they were so wrapped up in their Mulder and Scullyness. Some of his episodes in the final two seasons rank amongst my all-time favorites. But I was still a little worried about meeting him. He just looks so intense.

So I was really caught off guard when it was my turn on line and he said "Hi, beautiful" before I had even uttered a word. Mark quipped he would have flattened the guy for taking liberties, but we're talking T-1000, right? Not really someone you want to mess with. And besides, he was so nice that there wasn't any reason to.

Then he spotted my X-Files ninth-season crew sweatshirt. "Where did you get that?" he inquired. "eBay, of course," I responded, looking at the ground in mock shame. But that kicked off a discussion about how Robert could list his own stuff on the auction site. He has a ton of that kind of stuff, he said.

So I picked out an X-Files picture on his autograph table and he started to sign it, writing "Where's Muldah?" -- a funny take on Doggett's Bahstan accent. I truthfully said I didn't really care where Mulder was, because I enjoyed him and his character greatly.

That seamlessly segued into self-promotion for Patrick, who is starring on CBS' "Scorpion." His character, Cabe Gallo, is the government handler for a team of super-geniuses who save the world every Monday night. I added that now he could save me in the photo op. He said he would save me and wrapped me up tightly for our picture.

And lest he have forgotten, then he said, "Thanks for the things you said before, it really means a lot to me." Which meant a lot to me, in turn. I added I enjoy reading his posts on Twitter and that he had responded to me a couple times -- usually about hockey. He asked my Twitter handle, I told him and said I'd post our photo there. He not only said goodbye to me, but Mark as well. I told him to have a great weekend as I'm sure anyone else who had the pleasure of meeting him also did.

Judge Reinhold was on extended lunch break, so we went to see Chris McDonald next. He usually plays the heavy in the movies, the most memorable to me being that of Thelma's husband in "Thelma and Louise," but I venture to guess that most people know him as Shooter McGavin from "Happy Gilmore." Actually, true confessions, I really know him best as Goose in "Grease 2," but my favorites of his are "Chances Are" and "Quiz Show."

There was no line when we got to him, I always hate that on the actor's behalf. And he too spoke to me before I really said anything to him. "Are you from Philadelphia?" I'm sure I gave him the sour face on that one and shook my head no. "Jersey?" he asked with great surprise.

That was kind of strike one, actually it was strike two, because his table didn't have any "Grease 2" photos and I kind of had a game plan to get one signed for my sister for her upcoming birthday. He said he had been asked a lot during the morning about that. I quipped, "Well, now you're going to have to sing 'Where does the pollen go?'" from "Grease 2." And he did, in charming bass tone and all!

That sent me reeling the other way, and I forgot to pull out one of the chips I had in my hand -- my awesome "I'm Jack Barry" impression from "Quiz Show." Later that night, I found out there was another chip that could have been played -- we have the same birthday.

I told him how much I enjoyed him in "Chances Are." Even though the impetus for the story is that his character, Louie Jeffries, gets killed, he's still ever-present in the rest of the film. McDonald said if that movie had done better he probably would have had a completely different career as a romantic leading man. (Apparently it just made back its $16 million budget in theaters, although I think it's been discovered by a lot of people on video since. I did see it on the big screen.)

We made the very fortuitous decision to get on the Reinhold line (and actually start it) about 10 minutes before he was due back. It wound up being a long and winding one by the time Judge got back down, so kudos to Mark for that call.

When I got up to his table, I displayed my "I'm Off Beat" button like some kind of Showcase Showdown model on "The Price Is Right" and his eyes and mouth widened. He seemed shocked in the best possible way and genuinely pleased that I had that and a lobby card to have signed. I threw in a little "Arrested Development" reference kinda by accident. "My name is Paige," I told him and then added, "Your name is Judge" in a similar tone to the magazine ad on the show that had a voice chip for his on-screen courtroom show.

Reinhold said "Off Beat" suffered from a trailer that played like an action/adventure when it actually was more of a romantic comedy. I asked whether he had to take a lot of dance lessons. He chuckled and said he didn't and that co-star Meg Tilly was the one who had it rough, since she was a dancer who had to act worse than she actually was. Still, he had to have taken some kind of lessons, there's a whole choreographed routine that recurs throughout the movie. Can't really improv that.

We chatted about the great cast in the movie, including Harvey Keitel, Joe Mantegna and John Turturro, and he added he was so glad that I remembered the film fondly. Which I do, it's a great one to watch and laugh over.

Monster Mania was Judge's first convention, so he was a bit distracted from people at the side of the table who may or may not have been taking pictures of him while he was with me. His handlers didn't help any, as they weren't even listening to him the couple of times he expressed his displeasure over that. If Penny Marshall was there, she would have settled the guy's hash for sure.

But he maintained his composure and took some lovely pictures. I not only had Mark taking some, but there was also a guy doing press photos who snapped some and forwarded them to us later. I felt like I was on the red carpet for a couple minutes. But the rest of the day, I was on a cloud instead since I had met three of the nicer celebrities I've had the pleasure to run across. Some "Monsters" just aren't that scary.