How should 'We' look at ourselves?

So while we're awaiting word of another season of The X-Files, David Duchovny is off playing rock star and Gillian Anderson is challenging the world.

Now that's oversimplifying things, but attending Gillian's book event at the Society for Ethical Culture on Monday really pointed out a certain disparity to me. Watch the video here. Anderson and Jennifer Nadel discussed their joint effort, We: A Manifesto for Women Everywhere, and they could really have something here. Could it be a Walden for our times? I'm sure they're not shooting that high, but if it promotes women taking closer at our needs and bringing that to discussion, maybe we could see some long-overdue shifting of norms in society.

The book starts with ways women can look closer at themselves. It's long been important to Gillian to compartmentalize the performer side of herself from her "real" life. When not in public persona, she said she doesn't put on makeup, her hair's in a ponytail and she's wearing black jeans and motorcycle boots. "Most of the time I'm just a mom," she said, adding that the "remnants of what sometimes seems like insanity" aren't really visible.

As a television news reporter, Nadel found she spent a lot off time conforming to men's ideals. "I didn't bring who I really was into the workplace," she said. "Each time I did that, I shaved away a little piece of who I was."

And that's the initial point of We -- women lie more to ourselves than anyone else. Anderson admitted she finds parenting really hard -- and that's not something that's usually talked about at all. But she's already experienced -- through the earliest returns of their book -- women thanking her for having the courage to say such a thing out loud. "It's not that one boy plus one boy equals two boys," Gillian said of her sons. "One boy plus one boy equals 10 boys. It's just a fact."

Then there are other issues that women don't traditionally talk about, such as Anderson's diagnosis of perimenopause, the hormonal transition to menopause. I personally learned about hot flashes by watching Cybill Shepherd's half-hour comedy, Cybill. I was just waiting to see how long it would be before I dumped a bucket of ice on myself. Now I have some more insight into internal changes just as relevant and evident as temperature swells.

With six children -- and five boys -- between them, Gillian and Jennifer have seen first-hand how boys start out tender and sensitive. But then they're sent out into the world and toughened up. So although We is pointedly aimed at women, men too might see the benefit of taking an inward journey.

The authors would just like to see more conversations about personal and global issues. "We can not counter hate with hate," Nadel said, adding that righteous indignation only gets people so far and doesn't actually address a problem. "We have to accept what is before we can do something about it."

And that starts small, within oneself. Jennifer gave an example that hit me right where I live. In school, she was told she was tone deaf. (Me too! Well, not told to my face, but excused from chorus had the same effect.) She was always skipped in class when it came time to sing, but now she sings out in public, whenever she feels like it. I'm not far enough along in the process that I'm ready for that, but I definitely appreciate her strength.

It's not as easy as it might sound, especially to an actress who thought that if she let go of some self-destructive tendencies that she would lose the edge to her talent. "That doesn't go away," Anderson said. "The tension between that and human existence can be so interesting."

But Gillian finds she still has to stand up for herself, even over 20 years after the start of the series that made her a household name. Early on in The X-Files, she was told to walk a few paces behind her co-star. "I found my way to his side, or maybe a little in front of him," she said. And just recently, when the show was revived a couple of years ago, Anderson was offered half of what co-star Duchovny made in his deal. No wonder the 11th season hasn't been set in stone yet.

So where will We go from here? I sure hope the top of the best sellers' list, but Gillian was pretty direct about it: "I don't know." As long as women turn to other women. "We can not leave it to politicians," Nadel said. "We need to stand shoulder to shoulder."

And I plan to do that, right after I face an important truth about myself. I'm in the city, it's not too late, and I really want some cheddar cheese popcorn from Garrett, even though that will turn my fingers orange for a couple days. Then I'll work on the rest, because for food for thought is even more important.